Momma with all her girls on Mother’s Day

Our marriage is great and we truly love one another.  We all have sad or hard times in our lives and Brad and I aren’t any different.  In the book, some of the stressors and emotional upheavals that I describe are related to health and death.  I had a hard time for about two years completing the book because I didn’t want to relive the stressful time surrounding the death of my mother.  I know that there are lots of people now that are the caregivers of their “greatest generation” or “baby boomer” parents and can relate to my heartbreak.  We have also had other family and friends die and have held each other up during those times of stress and deep grief.

I have read books and watched movies or TV shows that describe how different people deal with grief. A lot of people, unfortunately, also know someone who has committed suicide. These topics are not easy to discuss, deal with, or confront, but are an all too common stressor in our lives today.

I realize now that I am in my late forties approaching the big 5-0 and I am editing my memoir about our love story, that life happens whether you are paying attention or being mindful or not. It is easy, especially for an introvert like me, to retreat into yourself and the daily rut and not notice the little things or be emotionally present for the big things.  I have to show up each day for my husband, for my children, and especially for myself.  My husband has helped to get me outside my comfort zone at times.  Those have been good things, like learning to scuba dive or travelling to Europe.  Life sometimes challenges you and you must face the bad, like dealing with suicide, along with the good. I have harnessed the strength I know I possess and faced the good and bad challenges.  I have to force myself outside my comfort zone at times too.  Last year I did that by taking a road trip with my daughters to Colorado without my husband.  I do not like to drive, but actually enjoyed it at times during that trip.  Driving through Missouri and dodging turtles on the roads felt like I was playing a real-life version of frogger and going through Kansas during a time of tornado watches was a little nerve fraying.  However, I also noticed some of the good things along the way, including the clouds in the sky over flat Kansas that looked like the clouds of Andy’s wallpaper in Toy Story.  I also got to spend time with my girls and my brother and sister in law (whom I hadn’t seen in a long time) in the Rocky Mountain gorgeous scenery.  Even now, my daughters say how much they liked that trip and would like to go back to Colorado.

Today is the day to be there, to show up. If you do, then later you will look back and be amazed at all that has happened in your life so far and how much more there is to do.  Maybe you’ll be like me and write your memoir.  Cheers!

Daddy with both girls after coming home from hospital again

Grandpa having fun